A paucity, in general

10 03 2008

Or a scarcity, for those of you not inclined to development of your lexicon. Yes I did that one on purpose.

I’m talking more specifically about the insufficient quantity of intelligent persons on campus. This can however be broadened to a comment (or commentary perhaps) on the dearth of the aforementioned just about everywhere these days.

Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not talking about “intelligent” as a synonym for raw brain power – although thats obviously a necessary, and sadly it seems sorely lacking, component in avoiding moving through life like a lobotomized chimp. (Also, one wonders how you made it into a university having intellectually castrated yourself – yes, even among the illustrious ranks of us fork using York kids.)

I mean ‘intelligent’ as a package of brain power, common sense and emotional maturity that recognizes the need to act like a human being. Even then I’ll give a lot of leeway…

You don’t have to be highly intelligent IQ wise, just put the effort in… hell at this point put any effort in and I’ll meet you 75% of the way. But now that I’ve let you off the hook, please for the love of christ, don’t use all the extra time you now have to bitch to me about how hard shit is!
I know how hard shit is! You know how I know? Because I’m carrying your ass and listening to you bemoan the fact while I do it. Go back to your colouring book… if you stay inside the lines we’ll have a nice cover page to hand in!

You don’t have to have a lot of common sense or experience either. If you’re ignorant about whatever the situation is, fine, I can deal with that. All I ask is that once we’ve established you don’t know what’s going on, you take the opportunity to shut the hell up. Maybe even listen? Might be helpful balancing out point #1 above.
If you do want to contribute thats great… just don’t go telling me what I just told you 5 seconds ago. Surprisingly enough, I remember what I said. Oh and your inventor tone? You know the one where you say what I said but with an inflection better suited to declaring you’ve cured cancer and simultaneously found a way to travel through time with naught but nutella and a pinecone? Yeah. Not working.

You don’t even need much emotional maturity. All I’m asking is that you cover the basics of human civility. Whether you went to preschool finishing school or your crackhead mother played the soft spot on your baby-skull like a bongo drum we all went to real school somewhere.
And if there’s one thing we all got taught it was the basics of sharing, listening and waiting your turn. Shit, Sesame Street should have taken care of that even earlier… but as I included you crack babies I’ll let it slide. Should you be lacking these fundamentals I suggest suicide as a viable and socially beneficial solution to the problem of your existence.

So after a long day and a long rant lets summarize this down to the tl;dr version with a nice open call for group members/fellow classmates/school friends…

Male student, 22, seeks male, female or transgendered students to form a society and live accordingly. Must possess the following characteristics:

  • not be goddamn retarded

Socially normative bathing and grooming habits appreciated, but at this point not required as applicant is desperate

Take it with a grain of salt now. I’m kidding.

…Well.. I’m not, really.
But if you’re freaking out you probably didn’t pass the test anyway.

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